So Long Insecurity Survey

How about a little survey to conclude our first month of the book club?  If you'd like to participate, just leave your answers in the comments. Answer one, some or all.

1. Would you recommend this book to a friend?  
Yes

2. Would you read it again?
I have a hard time wanting to reread something I've read before, but I would consider rereading parts of this book in a year or two.

3. What did you like about the writing style?
Normally I can't get through a book unless it's a good novel. I didn't have a lot of trouble with this one, partially because I related so well to a lot of it, and partially because of her conversational writing style. She writes like she talks, very entertaining.

4. What did you dislike about the writing style?
At times it seems somewhat disorganized. I didn't know how one idea quite connected with another, but she said that herself at the end of the book so I'll cut her some slack on that.

5. Right off the top of your head, how will you be different after reading this book? 
- I had to return my book to the library so you're going to get my paraphrase of the line that I hope will have lasting impact on me. It's the line I remember most and have thought on extensively.  Here's my version of what I read that just blew me over - Lord, Forgive me for considering myself chopped liver, even though You made me.  I could go on and on about that, but I'll save that for a post all it's own.
- I love the phrases I am clothed with strength and dignity and I have this Treasure.
- I really like what she said about Trusting God, period.
- I so appreciate her encouragement to be different for the next generation of women and the women all around us, especially since Elliana was playing with a little toy mirror today, looked at me in it and said, "You look fat!" Where did she come up with that!?

6. Are you going to be reading the book for July, Castaway Kid: One Man's Search for Hope and Home?
Yes! I'm looking forward to it!

Thoughts On Chapters 14-18

The last few chapters of this book focused on being a role model to other women and girls, loving others instead of viewing them as enemies/objects, and looking to God for our ultimate source of security.

Proverbs 31:25 was mentioned throughout the book. 

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I find this verse to be extremely powerful.  When I am feeling insecure/anxious/frustrated about something it is so easy for me to lose my dignity.  If I can stop for a moment and figure out how to maintain my dignity before reacting to situations I think it will be very helpful (both for me and whoever is around me). 

The second thing that really stuck out at me this week was the emphasis she made on looking out for other women.  She stressed the important role that we have in building up other women -- whether they are friends, daughters, sisters, etc. 

One thing that can cause trouble in our relationships with other women is when we feel threatened by (have done hurtful things to us) or competitive with them (not as pretty, skinny, rich, funny, etc.).   She suggested that if we find ourselves in this situation instead of stabbing each other back or obsessing about the situation you need to view them as equally broken people with real problems, pain, hopes, dreams, disappointments. 

We need to stop....

 ...the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival.

Galatians 5:21

I think I do that sometimes - focus on the features that someone else has that I wish I had and assume that because they have those things their lives are easier/better/etc. or that they won't like me.  I don't think I do this as often as I did when I was younger but it still creeps up from time to time.  When I am feeling this way it makes it difficult to get to know the person, because I have made false assumptions about them, plus it leaves me feeling poorly about myself.  I think Beth's advice regarding personalizing people was really helpful.

What stuck out to you this week?

Thoughts on Chapters 10-13

There were a lot of points that Beth made in these chapters that resonated with me and others that didn’t, but I’m sure would with someone else. I’ll talk about some of the points that I identified with, or that really made me think and see if other things stood out to you. I think I can start to break down my insecurities into some superficial ones and some deeper ones. I feel that this book is helping me with my superficial ones…like concern with what people think of me and my looks. Beth does a good job of pointing out that “…we all, to whatever degree and for whatever reason, battle insecurities.” (192) And she also does a good job of showing how it doesn’t benefit us at all to have those insecurities and that it can be detrimental to relationships. It kind of surprised me, but this really made me pause and think because I realized that somehow, my negative thinking has felt like a protective mechanism. It really made me realize how aptly named the book is because insecurity is a “bad friend to us” but disguises itself as a friend nonetheless. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but often, I think that I’ll put myself down (in my mind mostly; not out loud) before someone else can.

Something else that really spoke to me was that “we attempt to get all the way into somebody’s head and credit ourselves for essentially reading his or her mind. All we’ve really accomplished is a speed reading of our own skewed minds. (224)” I do this a TON without being aware of it and I hadn’t realized “the impact our insecurities have on our relationships.” I’ve already found that just being aware of this line of thinking is helpful in stopping it short in its tracks. Maybe not turning it off or eliminating it, but at least shortening the amount of time I would have spent on the thought.

But what’s really hard for me is not allowing circumstances to influence my emotions:

“By choosing to have a different reaction even prior to having a different emotion, we can effect an immediate sense of heightened security…in the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later.” Does this really work? Because what is really difficult to me is to not allow my emotions to be influenced by circumstances or situations. This is where my deeper insecurity falls and really where the work needs to be done. I’m not so much impacted by what someone says or information I receive, but events that happen in life. This is hard for me to say, but I guess I don’t feel that I have the strength to get through all the struggles life may hold and it must come down to a weak faith and is a source of major insecurity for me. I know I need to trust God more. Here were some points that I’m really trying to internalize from pg. 219:
“What God initiates, He equips us to handle.”
“He also provided you with the grace to handle it.”
“Even though…might have caused pain and great conflict, if God initiated the revelation, He had a goal in mind that was steeped in great love.”

I could go on about this for a while, but will stop here for now. I’m looking forward to hearing what stood out to you in these chapters!

It's Tuesday!

It is Tuesday! Any thoughts on what you've been reading? I'm pretty sure we have a post coming from a fellow book clubber (it's up now!), but she might also be having a baby right now (she wasn't). If she's not, I'm sure you'll want to keep checking back so you can read her thoughts.

Keep on reading. We'll be telling you what book we picked for next month very soon reading Castaway Kid by R.B. Mitchell  next month!

Thoughts from Week Two

I'm keeping up with my reading better than I thought I might because the book is better than I expected, but I'm still a chapter behind target. I'll still give you my thoughts if you're interested.

After reading the first 8 chapters of So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us my mind's gone a little overboard, and I now tend blame all things on insecurity. Well maybe not that extreme, but I see evidence of it in many areas of my life I wouldn't have expected to see it. I thought the spotlight would be on my need to be thin. Instead I've realized since I feel like I've got that under control it's a dormant insecurity. It's still there, and if I ever have one of those feel fat days it will rear it's ugly head. 

Instead the spotlight has shown on my insecurity in relationships with women. It's occuring to me I'm constantly worried they're thinking badly of me. I envy the girl who looks like she's friends with everyone because I feel like I'm fortunate to have a handful of people I can actually consider true friends. I think all others think poorly of me. In my desire to have real friends, my insecure mind constantly thinks...

...she probably doesn't like me because my kids don't behave well.
...she probably thinks I'm lame because my house doesn't look like it came out of a Pottery Barn magazine.
...she probably wishes she could be with her friend who likes to talk about fashion.
...she is wondering why I can't get my hair to look better.

With that in mind, consider this quote from the end of chapter 8,

"If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant."

I have such a hard time grasping what "God has conffered" upon me. I've heard it many times but I have a terribly hard time getting it to sink in. I'm hoping the rest of the book will give me insight into that. I'm also thinking I may need to reread chapter 8. 

In the meantime here are a couple of quotes from other places in chapters 6 though 8 to ponder.

"He is the reason we are here. And finally our souls are at rest...until once again we forget. Then instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man, and just when we think we've found someone who can hold us high enough and long enough to assuage our fear of forgottenness, we get dropped."

"Most of our great-great-grandmothers had access to compare themselves to a few hundred women in a lifetime. We can now throw ourselves up against tens of thousands if we're willing -- and apparently most of us are." 

Ponder away.

If you're reading along, please leave a comment with your thoughts!
Would anyone like to share their thoughts for next Tuesday?

So Long, Insecurity

The first week of our summer book club is complete which leaves me with the task priveledge of updating the blog.  I have to say I generally consider myself to be a fairly secure person but being in the position of co-facilitator for a book club makes me a little uncomfortable insecure.  I am not really sure what these updates should be about.  For the first update, I thought I would just briefly sum up each chapter and touch on a few things that stood out to me.  Julie and I would love to know what you think of the book so far and anything that may have stood out to you. 

Chapter One:  Mad Enough To Change
Insecurity is very common.
Insecurity causes problems: crying, oversleeping/hiding, fit throwing, running, promiscuity, anger/anxiety
People/women look for security in lots of places: MEN, jobs, friends, marriage, etc. 
"Men are not our problem; it's what we are trying to get from them that messes us up."
God does not want us to spend our lives feeling unworthy and insecure.

Chapter Two: Insecure Enough to Matter

Defining Insecurity....
1- a profound self-doubt-- deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in this world; insecure people live in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate
2- an insecure person harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships; often unconscious. Although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery

Some stats...
Out of 900 women 78% admitted to having feeling of insecurity at or above a level that bothered them. 43% described their issues with insecurity as anywhere from "pretty big" to "huge"

An insecure woman doesn't look just one way; we can hide it from ourselves.  I thought this was important to point out as I think I probably am guilty of doing this at times. Pages 19-21 discuss the "face of insecurity." 
 
Chapter Three: She Doesn't Look a Certain Way

We can't make assumptions about who does and who doesn't struggle with insecurity based on what they appear to have going for them.

I think this is really easy to do.  As a teenager, I was quite insecure and thought if I were only skinnier, prettier, funnier, more athletic, etc I would be happier/more confident.  For years, I remember thinking that if girls were whispering about something it had to be about me.  As an adult, I was finally able to shed some of this innappropriate thinking.  One of the things that was so eye-opening to me was working with teenage girls as a PA at the GI clinic.  I saw so many beautiful, "popular" girls who were so much more insecure than I remember myself being at their age.  On the outside they were tall, thin, beautiful, athletic, smart, popular, etc... but more often then not these girls were seeing us in the GI clinic for chronic, stress-related, abdominal pain.  The beautiful swan-girls where no safer from insecurity than the ugly ducklings.  I always loved working with the teenagers but wished there was someway to spare them those years of overwhelming insecurity.  

Beth Moore (author) suggests that as adults we still all struggle with insecurity and it looks a little different for everyone.  Some common ways people try to seek security are... men, money, popularity, beauty, power, prestige, education, accolades at work.

I don't think any of these things all really bad things but they are false securities; not reliable to meet our needs.  I have been thinking about this a lot this week.  Where do I try to seek security?  I am not 100% sure yet but I know that 2 areas I spend a lot of time focusing on are health/weight (not same thing as beauty for me) and "control" (I need things to go as planned or it just causes anxiety for me).  These may or may not be really insecurity for me.  I am looking forward to finding out more in future chapters.

What do you tend to associate with security?  Do those things really provide the security you are seeking?

Chapter Four: Good Company
Feeling insecure? You are in good company -- even Eve struggled with it.
As we seek healing it does no good to work from the premise that we have nothing to be insecure about.  Sometimes are fears are founded. For examples of insecurity found in the bible see pages 49-56.
All this insecurity is causing me some insecurity! 
This helps...." Human flesh and blood have NO weakness so strong that God's strength is made weak."
God has what we need; it is up to us whether or not we are going to let the worst of us get the best of us.
Chapter Five: Rooting It Out
Why so insecure?  Where does it all come from?

Here are the sources that were mentioned in the book...

instability in the home
a significant loss
rejection
dramatic change
personal limitations
personal disposition

Have you been affected by anything on this list?

I know I have been and I am guessing all humans living in this sinful world have been.  What do we do about it?  I plan to keep reading to find out. 

I hope you are join me on the adventure!  Julie and I would love to know what you think of the book so far. Good, bad, and ugly!

Welcome!

Every spring at the end of the school year I think, “I should have a book club this summer.” Guess what. It never happens. That’s all going to change this year! My cousin, Ann, asked me about reading the Beth Moore book So Long, Insecurity together. We both want to better ourselves, think about something other than caring for children, and we like to read! (I also sometimes need a little motivation to help me finish a non fiction book as long as this one.) Ann and I both like to entertain ourselves by blogging, which lead us to creating this blog.

We figured if we’re reading a book we should see who else wants to read it. Instead of having each of our blogs (As Time Goes By and Lighten Up Your Life) hoping to have people share their thoughts on what they’re reading, we joined forces so we only have one site hoping for comments and one place for all readers or observers to view what people are gleaning from their reading. Don't think of it as another blog to follow. Think of it as a book club to join or observe. 

Our plan is to have posts each Tuesday from a 'book clubber'. (If you’re interested let us know. Otherwise we have a few of you we plan to recruit.) If you’re reading along we hope you will also comment on the weekly post to share your thoughts on what you’re reading. It’s a virtual book club with readers from at least four different states that I know of!

In the meantime have fun reading, let us know if you have ideas for a book for July or August and if you have other ideas for the blog! Thanks for joining! Let the reading begin...


Julie