There were a lot of points that Beth made in these chapters that resonated with me and others that didn’t, but I’m sure would with someone else. I’ll talk about some of the points that I identified with, or that really made me think and see if other things stood out to you. I think I can start to break down my insecurities into some superficial ones and some deeper ones. I feel that this book is helping me with my superficial ones…like concern with what people think of me and my looks. Beth does a good job of pointing out that “…we all, to whatever degree and for whatever reason, battle insecurities.” (192) And she also does a good job of showing how it doesn’t benefit us at all to have those insecurities and that it can be detrimental to relationships. It kind of surprised me, but this really made me pause and think because I realized that somehow, my negative thinking has felt like a protective mechanism. It really made me realize how aptly named the book is because insecurity is a “bad friend to us” but disguises itself as a friend nonetheless. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but often, I think that I’ll put myself down (in my mind mostly; not out loud) before someone else can.
Something else that really spoke to me was that “we attempt to get all the way into somebody’s head and credit ourselves for essentially reading his or her mind. All we’ve really accomplished is a speed reading of our own skewed minds. (224)” I do this a TON without being aware of it and I hadn’t realized “the impact our insecurities have on our relationships.” I’ve already found that just being aware of this line of thinking is helpful in stopping it short in its tracks. Maybe not turning it off or eliminating it, but at least shortening the amount of time I would have spent on the thought.
But what’s really hard for me is not allowing circumstances to influence my emotions:
“By choosing to have a different reaction even prior to having a different emotion, we can effect an immediate sense of heightened security…in the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later.” Does this really work? Because what is really difficult to me is to not allow my emotions to be influenced by circumstances or situations. This is where my deeper insecurity falls and really where the work needs to be done. I’m not so much impacted by what someone says or information I receive, but events that happen in life. This is hard for me to say, but I guess I don’t feel that I have the strength to get through all the struggles life may hold and it must come down to a weak faith and is a source of major insecurity for me. I know I need to trust God more. Here were some points that I’m really trying to internalize from pg. 219:
“What God initiates, He equips us to handle.”
“He also provided you with the grace to handle it.”
“Even though…might have caused pain and great conflict, if God initiated the revelation, He had a goal in mind that was steeped in great love.”
I could go on about this for a while, but will stop here for now. I’m looking forward to hearing what stood out to you in these chapters!
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Thanks Susan! You forgot to add that you're on bed rest and have a one year old running around!
ReplyDeleteI really related to when she described how she tried to control her husband. (Don't worry, Brad's a great guy. I'm just insecure and controlling.) It helped me see I can't be God and make him what I think he needs to be, which is a relief actually.
I also have been pondering this quote from one of the guys she surveyed. "We as men (me included) have failed to assure women they are God's most beautiful creation. A woman's insecurities could be dreastically reduced if men would love like Jesus did." I read that and thought - "exactly!" but clearly blaming men doesn't help me deal with my insecurity. I just wonder if I become this very secure person, will Brad feel like he doesn't have to do anything to make me feel loved? At the same time, I wouldn't want him to do those things because I asked or acted like I needed them... Hmmm. So I guess if I learn to be secure, if I get flowers they will just be like the cherries on top. Right?
Thanks Susan!
ReplyDeleteI also related to the need to control your husband part. I think I may have even spoken this same paragraph out loud to him before reading this booking (using this thought process as a lousy excuse)....
"We feel most secure when our environment is in control, and since no one is able to control it to our satisfaction, we decide we have to do it ourselves. If someone would do it and do it right, we wouldn't have to take over,so it's not really our fault,we reason."
I probably didn't phrase it using the word security -- but it is probably what was causing my need to be in control.
This idea of controlling people followed the chapter about how men face insecurities too. This is something for me to work on!
Maybe our husbands should do a future update to let people know how we are doing on this insecurity/control issue!:)