After reading the first 8 chapters of So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us
my mind's gone a little overboard, and I now tend blame all things on insecurity. Well maybe not that extreme, but I see evidence of it in many areas of my life I wouldn't have expected to see it. I thought the spotlight would be on my need to be thin. Instead I've realized since I feel like I've got that under control it's a dormant insecurity. It's still there, and if I ever have one of those feel fat days it will rear it's ugly head. Instead the spotlight has shown on my insecurity in relationships with women. It's occuring to me I'm constantly worried they're thinking badly of me. I envy the girl who looks like she's friends with everyone because I feel like I'm fortunate to have a handful of people I can actually consider true friends. I think all others think poorly of me. In my desire to have real friends, my insecure mind constantly thinks...
...she probably doesn't like me because my kids don't behave well.
...she probably thinks I'm lame because my house doesn't look like it came out of a Pottery Barn magazine.
...she probably wishes she could be with her friend who likes to talk about fashion.
...she is wondering why I can't get my hair to look better.
With that in mind, consider this quote from the end of chapter 8,
"If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant."
I have such a hard time grasping what "God has conffered" upon me. I've heard it many times but I have a terribly hard time getting it to sink in. I'm hoping the rest of the book will give me insight into that. I'm also thinking I may need to reread chapter 8.
In the meantime here are a couple of quotes from other places in chapters 6 though 8 to ponder.
"He is the reason we are here. And finally our souls are at rest...until once again we forget. Then instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man, and just when we think we've found someone who can hold us high enough and long enough to assuage our fear of forgottenness, we get dropped."
"Most of our great-great-grandmothers had access to compare themselves to a few hundred women in a lifetime. We can now throw ourselves up against tens of thousands if we're willing -- and apparently most of us are."
Ponder away.
If you're reading along, please leave a comment with your thoughts!
Would anyone like to share their thoughts for next Tuesday?
My insecurity has always been painfully obvious to myself, but what I am learning is how many others struggle with it as well; especially when I can’t imagine why they would have any reason to. For example, Julie, I was just thinking the other day that I wished I had hair like yours so it had some body instead of getting all stringy and flat like mine does. I also was thinking about how I wished I could have more of a parenting style like yours because being a good mom just seems to come so naturally to you. I worry way too much. And then when I was thinking of having a play date at my house, I kept thinking, I have to let everyone know that we’re not good at landscaping and I really don’t know how to decorate…basically everything we have is a gift or hand me downs. I think the only furniture we’ve purchased ourselves in the living room is a futon from my apartment days and what adult out of college still has a futon in their living room?! I feel almost guilty that finding that others struggle with insecurity makes me feel somewhat better; although, I’m not sure that I can kick mine yet. It’s pretty deep seeded, so I‘ll keep reading. I do find the reading and this conversation helpful, though. I am playing catch up (I just finished Chapter 5), but if I can get close to finishing the next assignment, I could post the next one (if someone else is closer, go for it)! Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts!
ReplyDeleteSusan
Thanks Susan! I agree that it does help me feel better knowing other people are insecure too. This should make you feel better too. I was thinking I should parent more like you! It's so good to know we're not alone. We'd love to have you post next week. I think it will be a start to your blogging career!
ReplyDeleteHi Susan and Julie and anyone else reading along:
ReplyDeleteMy mind has been pondering away this week too. Prior to reading this book I would have probably considered myself to be fairly secure in my life in most areas.
Weight/body image has always been a somewhat dormant (not always so dormant) insecurity that has been an issue all the way back to 5th grade. I was pretty thin then but thought I was ugly and big (tall); then I actually was heavy in high school wasn't fun. As an adult I have learned to maintain a healthy weight and therefore most days feel okay about my body image but if I miss more than 1 day of exercise, see a not-so-flattering photo of myself, feel like I ate too much, etc. I start to feel gross about how I look. So I really can't claim complete security in that area yet.
The more surprising area that is being affected negatively by insecurity is a key relationship in my life. This relationship has always been rocky and I have always recognized how the other person's insecurity plays a role in our relationship. This book is making it more apparent to me that my own insecurity is also impacting the relationship negatively. The example she gave of the girl pretending to be a boy is probably how I respond in this relationship. When my feelings are hurt I respond gruffly; angrily instead of expressing sadness because it seems less painful. I am hoping that if I learn how to be more secure overall that I will have a less reactive response when my feelings are hurt in this particular relationship.